Onion News, or News from the Future?

“It’s a morbid observation, but if everyone on earth just stopped breathing for an hour, the greenhouse effect would no longer be a problem.” –Newsweek Senior Writer Jerry Adler, 31 December 1990 issue.

They can’t force you to drive one, but they can tax you prohibitively if you don’t. Thanks again, Chief inJustice Roberts… (H/T: IMAO)

UPDATE: In IMAO’s comment section, FormerHostage wrote: “Yeah its The Onion but this is waaayyyy to close to that video the Global Warmers put out a while back that showed people who doubted Global Warning being blown up.” Here’s a link to that one, in case you’ve forgotten it.

Winter Wonderland

Global warming went away because not enough of us believed in it and clapped our hands. Or is that Tinkerbell? I always get those two confused.

Oh the climate outside is frigid
But their doctrine remains rigid
So since they claimed the cold would go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And the spinners’ heads are popping
Now the hidden decline will show
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

When we finally read your mail
How your numbers were jumbled and cooked
Your con job is doomed to fail
As the world learns the way they’ve been rooked

The hockey stick has gone flatter
And Al Gore keeps getting fatter
So until the sunspot count grows
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

(Apologies to Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne)

Global Warming: Fact, Fraud, or Fabulous?

Today’s best headline ever comes from The Register: “Samoan Clerics Finger Homosexuals Over Global Warming”:

Clerics in the South Pacific have fingered the key cause of climate change – homosexuals. The revelation came at a conference at the University of the South Pacific considering the implications of Climate Change and Creativity.

I wonder if they suffered from the Gore Effect like the Cancun conference?

Academics were apparently thrown off their consideration of “Arts in the Age of Global Warming” and “Ecology in Poetry / Poetry in Ecology” by reports of Church Ministers who maintained that climate change in Samoa are clearly attributable to to homosexuals. …

Arts and poetry. Yeah, that’ll save the planet.

… Details of exactly how the ministers think homosexuals are pumping more CO2 into the atmosphere, thereby trapping heat around the planet, driving up the average temperature and causing massive economic and environmental dislocation are scant.

I’m going to guess that this is all a wacky sitcom misunderstanding, brought about when one of the clerics heard that some homosexuals are “flaming”.

Climate Doesn’t Kill People, Weather Does

Jeff ID writes in “ClimateGate, a Year of Comedy” (H/T: Flopping Aces) about the hilarious “climate experts” who are still, STILL, trying to play the AGW game:

Gawd it’s funny to see grown men caught red handed with their mitts in the cookie jar of fraud, claiming vindication and seeing them be supported by the media, government and industrial institutions. All these reviews taught us was that the corruption of reality extends much farther than a few people. Again – we already knew that. But the lies will continue as Mann publishes one politically laced self-exonerating editorial after another. Like a pile of four-year-olds, climate scientists haven’t learned anything from ClimateGate other than the obvious – don’t get caught!! I have news for everyone though, ClimateGate was the tip of the iceberg and ClimateGate II is coming soon. I don’t have any information different from anyone else on where, when or whom, what I have is a brain smart enough to openly analyze the evidence and the evidence says that climate science is far more corrupted than we have seen yet. We aren’t done with this trip. …

C3 Headlines (H/T: Soylent Green) points out that the IPCC has documented major flaws in their own models:

Predictive capabilities are non-existent … Now we see that the IPCC has documented the gross inadequacies of their virtual modeling, yet they keep publicizing the model output as realistic catastrophic scenarios. And, adding misery to insult, there are the flim-flam academics pushing the climate model predictions as a religious gospel, totally misleading the gullible and naive flock (i.e., MSM journalists and Hollywood celebrities). Besides the IPCC documented flaws, below is a listing of major climate model shortcomings.

Fifty predictive failures. Yet, according to Pachy and the IPCC, Global Warming Climate Change Global Climate Disruption caused by Evil Human CO2 Emissions dictates we live in a cave and give trillions to Internationalist Kleptocrats. “Consequently, for models to predict future climatic conditions reliably, they must simulate the current climatic state with some as yet unknown degree of fidelity.”

(H/T for the post’s subject line: Watts Up With That?)

‘Til We Found the Sea of Green

Following in the [carbon] footprints of the Army and the Air Force, U.S. Navy Secretary Ray Mabus plans to develop a “green” aircraft carrier strike group by 2012.

Defense News – While all U.S. aircraft carriers and submarines are already nuclear-powered, the challenge lies in powering destroyers, cruisers, replenishment ships and the air wing with biofuels.

This will please those who refer to the US military as “the world’s largest polluter,” but not those who are catching on to the fact that biofuels are not the be-all and end-all of saving the environment – not to mention that it’s been known (for years) that the push for biofuels is causing an increase in world hunger:

Biofuels are conservatively estimated to have been responsible for at least 30 percent of the global food price spike in 2008 that pushed 100 million people into poverty and drove some 30 million more into hunger, according to the report, Meals per gallon, released by the UK charity ActionAid in February 2010. … The report blames the biofuels targets set by the European Union (EU), and concomitantly, the huge financial incentives given to the biofuels industry, which together, provide a powerful driver for industrial biofuels. In 2006, the EU biofuel industry was already supported by tax exemptions and agricultural subsidies to the sum of €4.4 billion. In 2008, EU member states committed themselves to a target of 10 percent of transport fuels from renewable sources (i.e., biofuels) by 2020. If the same level of subsidies continues, the industry would receive €13.7 billion per year. If all global biofuels targets are to be met, food prices could rise by up to an additional 76 percent by 2020 and starve an extra 600 million people.

All that just to allow liberals to actually feel good about some facet of the US military.

Without Light Bulbs, How Do We Get Ideas?

Enviroweenies have had the humble incandescent bulb in their sites for some time now. They will be phased off the U.S. market beginning in 2012 under the new energy law just approved by Congress, and the EU has also banned them. Some people, who like to make their own choices about what to buy and use, are obviously upset about this (and have been stockpiling them while they’re still for sale). There’s no argument about their inefficiency, but there are certainly concerns about what we’re being offered in their place. Those new fluorescent lights contain poisonous substances (mercury) within their all-too-fragile and easily broken spiraling bulbs, making some people remarkably reticent about bringing them into their homes. LED lights seem a much better option than either incandescent or fluorescent bulbs (except maybe for traffic lights), but are currently still prohibitively expensive. Many people would rather stick with incandescent bulbs for the time being, regardless of what their overlords tell them to think…

Enter a company named Heatball to fill the need in Germany. According to Reuters, they “have come up with a legal way of importing and distributing 75 and 100 watt light bulbs – by producing them in China, importing them as ‘small heating devices’ and selling them as ‘heatballs’ … because the inefficient old bulbs produce more warmth than light – he calculated heat makes up 95 percent of their output, and light just 5 percent – they could be sold legally as heaters.” “The company’s sold out its first 4,000 Heat Balls in just 72 hours.” (H/T I Hate the Media and I Own the World)