Global Warming: Fact, Fraud, or Fabulous?

Today’s best headline ever comes from The Register: “Samoan Clerics Finger Homosexuals Over Global Warming”:

Clerics in the South Pacific have fingered the key cause of climate change – homosexuals. The revelation came at a conference at the University of the South Pacific considering the implications of Climate Change and Creativity.

I wonder if they suffered from the Gore Effect like the Cancun conference?

Academics were apparently thrown off their consideration of “Arts in the Age of Global Warming” and “Ecology in Poetry / Poetry in Ecology” by reports of Church Ministers who maintained that climate change in Samoa are clearly attributable to to homosexuals. …

Arts and poetry. Yeah, that’ll save the planet.

… Details of exactly how the ministers think homosexuals are pumping more CO2 into the atmosphere, thereby trapping heat around the planet, driving up the average temperature and causing massive economic and environmental dislocation are scant.

I’m going to guess that this is all a wacky sitcom misunderstanding, brought about when one of the clerics heard that some homosexuals are “flaming”.

It may be that the clerics are understandably worried about rising levels of sex tourism in Samoa fuelled by cheap air travel and consequent rising energy consumption, though why this would be a gay-only problem is a mystery. …

It’s still a problem that requires far more study before any “final” solutions can be offered. For one thing, if too many homosexuals in the world cause global warming, doesn’t that mean that too few homosexuals in the world would bring about the next ice age? Furthermore, wouldn’t a decrease in homosexuals mean an increase in straight men staring at boobs that cause earthquakes?

In any event, the people of the South Pacific apparently have yet to learn the lessons of the evils of bigotry even after decades of that musical


2 Responses to “Global Warming: Fact, Fraud, or Fabulous?”

  1. C Monster Says:

    Awesome. How did I miss that?

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